Friends and Feelings
To start off I’m not mad, at all, in any way. At most I’m annoyed.
I’m annoyed that my best friend/sister since I was 3 calls me up and tells me that she doesn’t see me as a friend and doesn’t want to be friends anymore
I’m annoyed that I annoy you and that neither of us can figure out where it went wrong. We barely text each other more
I’m annoyed that you didn’t want to lead me on yet you kept flirting and then asked me out on a date (twice) and I was waiting for you because I know that you’re hella busy right now.
I understand that there comes a point when if its not working out (friendship or relationship) between two people and you’ve been trying, there comes a point when its just not worth it anymore. Trying isn’t cutting it, it’s just over.
What bothers me is that it seems to me that no one is even trying to try any more. I am alwats skepical about getting close to people because I get attatched to them way too easily and way too fast. So I try to keep my distance. Once I let that person in, they are in my heart and mind constantly, anyone: friends, family, crushes.
We haven’t had a decent conversation in years because you kept pushing me away. I let it happen because I figured 18 years meant something to you. I figured that when things calmed down for you, when you figured out what you wanted and needed you would come back and we would work on building up our friendship again. You said it wasn’t worth trying anymore and that you didn’t want to strain it. I still can’t see what you meant by ‘trying’ because we both stopped trying a long time ago. I had accepted the fact that we were going seperate ways but you didn’t have to tell me you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore because now any chance of going back is competely gone.
You, I honeslty have no idea what happened. I dont know when things changed. It might have been when I figured out my feelings for you and set that boundary. This is what I was afraid of happening, but the things you are telling me aren’t things that are related to that. What bothers you about me is me as a person. I don’t know how to control that or when I started to annoy you. I would stop it if I could but… I don’t know. I wish I could figure this out because I don’t like not talking to you. I don’t like this awkwardness that is between us. I miss you.
I hadn’t let myself feel the way I did about you in about a year. Last time I got really hurt, so this time I went about it differently and I still got hurt. I was really excited about it, other people were excited about it, it was a good feeling. Things were going good. I had taken into consideration the same factors I knew you were going to be gone for a while and then you would be moving away but I was willing to give it a chance. Again, I’m not mad, you didn’t feel the same way I did and that’s fine. To you it wasn’t worth trying or the effort. I just wish that you had given it a chance because it seemed like it would be fun.
It just seems like everyone is giving up on me and I honeslty don’t want to be the only one trying again, it’s just difficult for me to let go.